Asking For Help

I am a strong person and never want to ask for help. When we lost Sammie, we had to learn to ask for help. We just couldn't do everything and were so shocked and in a haze, that we didn't know what else to do. We had people bringing meals, sending love and support, and constantly asking how they could help. So much of the funeral expenses were donated to us. The funeral home only charged for the embalming, everything else they did they did for free. The owner of the funeral home had lost a son at a young age and was so compassionate to us. The casket which was a hand crafted wooden casket was donated by the crafters who are located in the home town of sean's grandparents. I mean, we have had so much support that I can't even imagine where we would be without it.

But now, it's been a year and a half. We do a really good job seeming fine. We smile, we laugh, we hang out with family, we are ok, when we are around others. But we are not. We are a mess at home. Sean and I fight a lot because neither of us are functioning 100%. Our house is so embaressing. Sean brought the laundry downstairs to fold yesturday, but we haven't got to it. The kitchen has dishes piled in the sink and on the counter, and the table has stuff piled on it. Our bedroom is a mess. dirty clothes here, clean clothes there, belt laying there, tie thrown over that, sometimes hard to navigate at night. I mean, it's sad. And yet, I don't know what to do because neither of us can stop it, or fix it, we are just tired all the time.

So what do you do when you need help when you have convinced everyone around you that you are doing fine, Even now, I can't even answer my own question. I just don't know how to fix our home life when all my energy is spent being ok for work, family, and Xander.