Why is there so much sadness?

Sometimes it's overwhelming for me to hear and see all the sadness there is. Here I am struggling to live day to day from my own sadness and it seems everyday I read a story about someone else who now has to leive with complete sadness too.

I spend a lot of time reading news articles online. My favorite sites are yahoo and ksl. Yahoo has different stories each day. From entertainment to international news, to local home town stories, and general news of happenings throughout the country. Ksl is a local news station here where I live so all their stories are local. What gets at my heart strings the most is the stories about child abuse. More specifically there is a lot, and seriously most of the child abuse is done by the parents. I look at these people and wonder how they could possibly do this to their own children. Don't they realize how precious these little children are? How lucky they are to have them in their lives? How sweet and innocent they are? Why don't they offer them the beauty of love and the world. Every day I long to hold my daughter and raise her to be a strong wonderful women.....but I can't. Why can't they?

Even now I sit here and wonder how I could ever find happiness in the world when my heart breaks every time I hear about another child sent to heaven, accident or not, it makes me cry. i don't want anyone to have to go through what I do. It's just so sad on this side of it.

Asking For Help

I am a strong person and never want to ask for help. When we lost Sammie, we had to learn to ask for help. We just couldn't do everything and were so shocked and in a haze, that we didn't know what else to do. We had people bringing meals, sending love and support, and constantly asking how they could help. So much of the funeral expenses were donated to us. The funeral home only charged for the embalming, everything else they did they did for free. The owner of the funeral home had lost a son at a young age and was so compassionate to us. The casket which was a hand crafted wooden casket was donated by the crafters who are located in the home town of sean's grandparents. I mean, we have had so much support that I can't even imagine where we would be without it.

But now, it's been a year and a half. We do a really good job seeming fine. We smile, we laugh, we hang out with family, we are ok, when we are around others. But we are not. We are a mess at home. Sean and I fight a lot because neither of us are functioning 100%. Our house is so embaressing. Sean brought the laundry downstairs to fold yesturday, but we haven't got to it. The kitchen has dishes piled in the sink and on the counter, and the table has stuff piled on it. Our bedroom is a mess. dirty clothes here, clean clothes there, belt laying there, tie thrown over that, sometimes hard to navigate at night. I mean, it's sad. And yet, I don't know what to do because neither of us can stop it, or fix it, we are just tired all the time.

So what do you do when you need help when you have convinced everyone around you that you are doing fine, Even now, I can't even answer my own question. I just don't know how to fix our home life when all my energy is spent being ok for work, family, and Xander.