As I mentioned in a previous post, I read a lot of news articles. Yahoo is my favorite because of the vast variety of topics from world news, to celebrity gossip, to fun facts, and even sports news. I also like to read the local news from KSL. I like knowing what is going on around me. It also helps in conversation when I can site something I've read.
I try to not read stories that have to do with children being injured or killed. It's still so raw and I know my emotions can't always handle it. The worst is to read about people's "miracles" when their child survives something, especially if its involving choking or a child coming back after they stop breathing. These stories talk about the miracle in their child surviving. How beyond Doctors expectation a child gets better, doesn't suffer long term effects, things like that. I am happy for these people because no one should EVER have to have their young child die. No one. Ever.
I read a story today about a women whose 9 month old stopped breathing. She thought she was choking and she tried back blows and nothing was working. She called 911 and within 2-3 minutes a police officer was there. The police officer took the child, administered back blows, and the child started screaming--breathing---saved. She said that from making the 911 call to having her daughter breathe again was 4 minutes.
I gave my daughter back blows. She started breathing again but she was in obvious pain and could make a labored crying noise. We knew in minutes something was still wrong so ran to the car and raced to the nearest insta care down the street. In the car was when she stopped breathing again and I tried to start chest compressions with her laying on my lap. I carried her limp body into an empty lobby and screamed for help. Two doctors took her into a room and raced to get her breathing. They called the paramedics and I don't know if it was the instacare doctors or the paramedics that got her heart beating and her breathing, but they did it, she was breathing, I thought I got a miracle too. This was my miracle. They life-flighted her to primary children's hospital where a surgeon had to use a scope to get the pea out of her lung. But I didn't get my miracle. Her brain was too damaged from the loss of oxygen and she never woke up.
I've read stories of infants/children who were unconscious and not breathing for 30 minutes and even more, but they ended up ok. Doctors say from when she started choking they think 10-15 minutes without air. She should have been fine. Everything else was fine. Her heart was perfect. Her other organs were functioning, even her lungs were not damaged. But any of those taking the damage would have meant a different outcome, her brain, the only part of the body that can't be repaired, that's what was damaged.
Sometimes in my darkest moment I see that day and the events and wonder why I couldn't have been one of the lucky ones whose child comes home and continues to learn and grow and be. Did I do something wrong? Should I have called the paramedics myself, at home, when I could hear sound. That's supposed to mean its ok right? Why did she be the one that didn't make it. Why couldn't she be the medical miracle.
